Authenticity is Not a Free Pass
Being true to yourself matters. So does the impact you have on others.
"Being authentic doesn't mean opening your kimono wide!"
It's an expression I've used in coaching conversations that usually gets a chuckle. Behind the humour is a serious question. How much of ourselves do other people really need to see?
At its best, authenticity builds trust. We value leaders who own their mistakes, speak honestly, acknowledge uncertainty and stand by their principles. Their humanity invites others to be human too. Yet a strength becomes a problem when we use it as a defence.
Do these phrases sound familiar?
"I'm an open book."
"I'm a private person."
"To be honest..." (often a warning that blunt feedback is coming)
"It's just who I am." (a classic)
They may be sincere, but sincerity doesn't make the behaviour wise or its impact positive.
When openness misses the mark
In a recent HBR article, Research: When Being Authentic Undermines Your Leadership, Namrata Goyal and colleagues found that leaders were perceived as more authentic when they voluntarily disclosed unconventional choices than when they recounted personal setbacks. Across ten experiments involving more than 2,000 people, agency mattered: what leaders chose to do, not simply what happened to them. The researchers examined perceptions of individual disclosures, not leadership effectiveness over time.
I think of a leader who regularly shares what's gone wrong - illness, accidents, arguments and frustrations. They believe they're being open and authentic. Yet colleagues may gradually feel they're expected to absorb the leader's troubles. There's nothing wrong with admitting difficulty. Appropriate vulnerability can create trust. When people feel obliged to listen, it ceases to connect.
At the other extreme, a Japanese executive believed sharing personal difficulties would burden others. Colleagues sensed something was wrong but always heard "I'm OK." The intention was considerate, yet the silence could create uncertainty and distance. Cultural expectations and personal boundaries matter; nobody owes colleagues an account of their private life. Still, acknowledging that something is going on can sometimes be more helpful than insisting all is well.
One leader reveals almost everything; another reveals almost nothing. Neither approach guarantees authenticity or trust.
When honesty carries a cost
Now imagine an executive telling their team: "I didn't agree with this decision, but the executive team made it, so now we have to implement it."
Perhaps it's how they genuinely feel. But what might the team hear? That their leader doesn't believe in the decision. That commitment is optional. Peers may also question whether this executive can debate robustly and then stand behind a collective decision. Such impressions can shape reputation and opportunities for broader leadership.
Consider instead: "We debated different perspectives and made a decision together. I'm committed to making it work. Let's focus on how."
This doesn't pretend everyone agreed. It takes responsibility for the outcome. At the same time, collective accountability is not blind obedience. Serious ethical concerns or unacceptable risks demand further challenge.
The issue isn't whether the leader is being honest. It's whether their honesty is serving the work, the people and the responsibility they've taken on.
When 'who I am' becomes a limitation
Values can become another shield. "I value honesty" can justify hurtful feedback. "I believe in fairness" can mean treating everyone identically, regardless of circumstances. Loyalty can result in looking the other way.
We can hold a value sincerely and still apply it poorly. Sometimes what we defend as a principle is a preference or assumption we've not examined. Our values themselves aren't beyond question.
Herminia Ibarra explores a related tension in The Authenticity Paradox. Holding tightly to an established identity can limit our growth. I see it in executive transitions. "I'm naturally direct" or "I've always been hands-on" may describe what helped a leader succeed before, but not what their next role requires.
Being true to ourselves shouldn't mean being permanently attached to who we are today.
Authenticity with judgement
For me, authenticity is situational and relational. Is this the right moment and setting? Why am I sharing, holding back or speaking up? What might this person need, and how might my position shape their response?
Underpinning those choices is impact on trust, confidence, relationships and people's willingness to act.
I'm not arguing for leaders to become more guarded or carefully polished. We need their courage, openness and humanity. But seniority amplifies the consequences of how we express them.
So perhaps, before saying "It's just who I am", we should ask: "And what is it like to be on the receiving end?"
Authenticity, after all, is not a free pass.
I believe exceptional leadership changes lives, not just bottom lines. Having navigated the demands of global executive leadership myself, I'm passionate about helping leaders thrive with authenticity and edge.
Partnering with senior executives and leadership teams across global and Australian organisations, I help them navigate transitions, complex relationships and the challenges of leading in an ever-changing world.
I welcome genuine connections on LinkedIn. You never know when our paths might cross. Sales pitches and spam? Still allergic!
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