Empathy Is a Leadership Superpower — But It’s Not the Destination

During a recent group coaching supervision session, we explored a challenging question: When does empathy turn into collusion? The ICF Core Competency No. 4 on “Cultivates Trust and Safety” states “Shows support, empathy, and concern for the client”. This is a question not just for coaches, but for any leader striving to lead effectively.

There are hundreds of articles on empathy as a leadership superpower, among them in HBR, LinkedIn, Forbes, and McKinsey Talks Talent.

Empathy helps leaders build trust, navigate tension, and connect across differences. It’s essential for inclusion, innovation, and high performance. Unchecked though, empathy can erode accountability.

Empathy alone isn’t enough. It’s what you do after empathy that shapes your effectiveness and impact as a leader. Empathy opens the door to action — and from there, leaders face a choice:

Do I respond with clarity and care? Or do I seek comfort and safety, and slip into collusion?

Empathy isn’t the finish line — It’s a fork in the road

Empathy means you understand and feel with your team’s experience. That’s the starting point.

But once you’ve connected, you stand at a decision point:

Empathy sets the tone – action shapes culture

As leaders, your tone becomes culture. When you lead with empathy and act with compassion, you foster both psychological safety and accountability.

If you collude — even subtly — the cost is high:

• Performance becomes negotiable.

• Standards blur.

• Teams lose clarity on what matters most.

• You might gain short-term approval and lose long-term trust.

Everyday examples of compassion vs. collusion

Scenario	Compassionate Response	Collusive Response
Team member is burned out	“I see you are overwhelmed. What’s one thing we can take off your plate without dropping the ball on X?”	“You’re right – this project is insane. Let’s just push the deadline out.”
Leader hears persistent complaints about a peer	“That sounds frustrating. What’s one thing you can say to Y to improve this?”	“Ugh, Y is so difficult. You’re not alone.”
Someone underdelivers — again	“I understand this quarter’s been challenging. I’d like to talk about expectations for Q3.”	“It’s ok. The market’s been slow. Just do your best.”

Other choices that can derail effective leadership

Aside from collusion, there are other leadership missteps that follow empathy:

• Detachment – You let the individual deal with the issue themselves. “I hear you’re stressed. Mindfulness is key.” (But no follow-up or action)

• Rescue – It’s easier to take the work back and do it yourself. “Just give me the work – I’ll handle it.” (You take over instead of empowering)

• Over-identification – You lose objectivity. “Yeah, Y is toxic. I had the same experience last year.” (It becomes about you)

Each of these is a move away from growth and agency.

So, what’s the move?

Empathy invites you to feel. Compassion asks you to act. With clarity. With care. With courage.

Empathy is not about feeling for someone – it’s about helping them move forward. Next time you’re tempted to rescue or collude, try this instead:

“I hear you, I care — and I believe in your ability to move forward. How can I support that?”

Then shut up and let them contemplate and answer. That’s the difference between a ‘nice’ leader and a kind courageous compassionate one.

The choice is yours — every day.

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"I coach because I believe exceptional leadership changes lives – not just bottom lines. Having navigated the pressures of global executive leadership roles myself, I'm passionate about helping leaders thrive with authenticity, not despite it."

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